Film Selection Committee
Bryan M. Schaefer
I am the most screwed person in Hollywood, who's never been there… You know that movie where that high school kid has an old weird scientist friend that makes a time machine. Based on my life. Yep based on my life, but only it was my dad who created the time machine. I walked in just as he disappeared, so I started fiddling with it. The next thing I knew I went back in time and tried to save him, but instead ended up fraking my mom and becoming my own father. No wonder I look so much like me, the family resemblance is undeniable, I’m reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. Mom says dad just went out for cigarettes but I know better…
What? Oh where was I… fraking Hollywood. You know that movie where the guy works in a convenient store in North Jersey, yep once again based on my life. Dealing with a-hole customers, selling cigarettes to minors and late night runs to the castle for greasy burgers. This one time in particular it was nothing but misadventures all the way he up to Cherry Hill, I still can't get those NPH stains out of my backseat. Then we went back to the convenient store and I found my girlfriend fraking a dead guy on the jon. I was scared and confused but that's when Wendy walked in. She was a little run away from the streets of Philadelphia who was looking for a little human touch in her secret Garden. I took her down to a bed of roses, I let her lay her hands on me and we started dancing in the dark, man she was slippery when wet. We finished it up in a blaze of glory. Two weeks later she was late and for the whole next week we were living on a prayer. Shortly thereafter her dad tracked her down and tried to get her to come back to his Cadillac Ranch and that's when she turned to me and said, baby I was born to run.
I'm tired of holding this pen with my teeth, this straightjacket is itching me like crazy and my doctor says I need my meds. I just need to figure a way to get this to my buddy Jason so he can take my story to the outside world. He said if I get released I can help him with some film festival.
You can't stop the signal,
- Bryan -
Jason’s life from college until now can best be described in four little words: “It’s all Bryan’s fault”.
Ever since he saw a video that Bryan wrote and directed for a college literature class, Jason has been obsessed with moviemaking (to go along with his obsession with sports). He’s so passionate he even took the ludicrous route of writing, directing and producing his own shorts, even winning an award for one of them. And Bryan is the cause of this.
Today, Jason supervises Stunod Pictures Entertainment, which is comprised of friends, including Bryan and Mark. He has been to various festivals and some of his ideas even helped bring LAFF to life, which was Bryan’s idea.
In his spare time, Jason likes to spend time with his wife and two kids as well as watching and playing sports, especially basketball and volleyball. Thankfully Jason has done that without Bryan. While he resides in Bethlehem, PA, he spends enough time in Lancaster and the surrounding area to consider it his second home. Besides, there are Amish people here!
Mild mannered contractor, part time drunkard, a disappointment to almost everyone who meets him, (and now) judge of whether or not your movie makes the grade for participation in our inaugural film fest.
You may be asking yourself, "How can this be? What are his credentials? Is it true that he has a fetish for girls with the hic-ups?"
Well let me tell you...
Ya know what? I'm not gonna try and bullshit you on this one. Quite frankly I am in this position because I am good friends with the guy who came up with the idea to hold this fest.
As far as my qualifications are concerned... I have seen a lot of movies over the years, literally dozens, and I know what is funny. I know drama. I know how to flinch when I am scared and I know how to squirm in suspense. But most of all, I know how to wretch in disbelief at something that would be better off lining a bin.
I can recognize bad acting, poor character development, flimsy story lines. In short...just like every other human, I have an opinion. And I'm not afraid to use it.
To answer the third question by the way... Yes. It makes their boobies jiggle.
- Mark -
Wayne Thompson started playing guitar when he was 9. He studied with Geraldine Swink, an international classical guitar performer and a graduate of the Bryn Mawr Conservatory of Music. He later studied Rock and Blues guitar with James Trostle, a Berklee graduate for 7 years. His study with Trostle also included contemporary Jazz theory.
He began his fulltime career in music at age 22. He has played with local and regional acts such as Plan B, Thompson & Fling, Dee Evans, Thompson & Company, Mike Bitts (Bassist of The Innocence Mission), Saucey, Steve H Project, The Groovebusters and currently a new incarnation of Plan B with Mark Showers (formerlywith The Sharks, Master Jam) Tom Web(Dave Holt) and Mike Bitts (Bassistof The Innocence Mission).
He has nearly 3000 paying jobs to his credit all over PA, Maryland and New Jersey. He has worked the local theater circuit and played in productions of "Grease", "Smokey Joe's Café", "Evita" and "Alice in Wonderland". As a songwriter he has been successful working with local advertising agenciesselling jingles and more recentlyscoring soundtracks for 81st Street Productions.
- Wayne -
I'm Tom, welcome to my bio. I really have no experience with film making but I can appreciate the creativity and effort that goes into making an independent film. I would much rather watch a 20 minute unknown indie than the latest multi-million dollar Hollywood blockbuster. I've known the guys from 81st Street Productions practically all my life so that explains what I'm doing here. As far as my personal life, I don't have a family, no pets and no hobbies so there is nothing to distract me from viewing your film.
Mike Lombardo has been obsessed with violent horror films and books since as along as he can remember. His childhood hero’s included Tom Savini and Lloyd Kauffman, not the Power Rangers or the President of the United States like normal children. At a very young age he abandoned his goal of becoming the world’s first Scientist/Doctor/Paleontologist/ Mortician to follow his dream of becoming a “horror movie maker”. His fascination with the bizarre and extremely gory films of the 80’s led to his self taught make-up FX and eventual (Though severely inadequate) filmmaking skills. While suffering through High School in 2003, he started Reel Splatter Productions and began to make short films. Opting to figure it out himself instead of going to film school, Mike began honing his skills with the Reel Splatter flicks. Since 2003, Mike has served as Director/Writer/Make-up Artist/Editor and occasionally actor on 15 of his short films. He spends a good deal of his time helping other indie filmmakers and teaching them to create their own no-budget Gore FX, also occasionally serving as a voice actor for Baron von Brunk cartoons. You can check out Mike’s films at www.ReelSplatter.com or harass him on Myspace at www.Myspace.com/ReelSplatter. And yes ladies, he is indeed a cannibal and a necrophile…
- Mike -